?

What is there left to do but love? What else can I do but fully trust in God? I am left with no choice but to return sadness with Joy, to return bitterness with healing, to return war with peace, to return pain with forgiveness, to turn the other cheek.



Today, I was surprised by Joy. As in, yesterday was a bad day and I did the whole crying and praying thing which usually doesn't work for me but I've put myself on this crazy spiritual journey thing and so it must of done something. I woke up today to a beautiful day full of hope and hope and love. I did kind of dip down again towards night but I gave some thought to ups and downs in one's journey. I thought, sure I'm high right now but what does it profit if I know for sure I'll dip down again. And then I realized that that was a wonderful and vital question. Like there should probably be some sort of study on it. So I am studying that. I still feel pretty hopeful right now- even though I might have reason to not be. What happens when I don't feel it? When I'm low and I reflect on my high times how will I be affected? Will I come to a deeper understanding of faith and a "peace that passes understanding".



There are many things that claim to be true but are not true. Knowing truth is NOT in our nature. (right? hmm..) But the absolute truth if and when found is mystical. We are square and it is a spiral. God is omnipresent especially when you don't think he is.



I erased some choice blogs from my bookmarks. Which may have triggered being surprised by joy today. I don't want to be focussed on unhealthy communication. I feel like sometimes blogging was becoming to me what afternoon soap-operas become to others.  My dear family, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–dwell on these things ...". Life is too important and short.


I have realized the importance and urgency of being vulnerable and transparent. yikes. (i'm not sure where to put this statement in my stream of thoughts right now)



What the fuck am I doing? Its almost four am (although I was asleep before this at some point but everything feels like a time warp) and I have to get up early to go get handmade organic whole wheat sugar covered doughnuts from my friends at their stand in the morning. I have entered the wonderful world of bartering and there is no turning back baby. And then I will be digging in the garden- hopefully its sunny...please stop by.



When Paul was Saul he persecuted Christians. When he was Paul he was a persecuted Christian. He was at peace with this- he didn't fight it. I know exactly what people say and think about me because I used to say and think it too. Lord, help me be at peace with this crazy karma.