holiday

does school stifle creativity?

2008-06-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

duh
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/66

Mother's Day

2008-05-08T23:28:00.001-07:00

Mothers' Day Proclamation: Julia Ward Howe, Creator of Mother’s Day

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts,
whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by
irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking
with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be
taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach
them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another
country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From
the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance
of justice."

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons
of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a
great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women,
to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the
means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each
bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a
general congress of women without limit of nationality may be
appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at
the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the
alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement
of international questions, the great and general interests of
peace.

Boston
1870

True Story

2006-10-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

So today, husband, kids, friends, and I went to local favorite beer/hang-out place after a lovely day at the farmers market. We ordered our usuals scoth ales,josh had a seasonal and a big thing of nachos with fresh garlic on the top. blah blah blah. so, we got our receipts; their was the bill/tab, and then there was a receipt that I hadn't noticed during my previous times there. I glanced down at the bottom of the ticket and noticed the printed, "Yucky Hippies" at the bottom. This of course occured around the time the waitresses were switching shifts, and tables, so they find it helpful discribe which customers have what and leave quick descriptions for their co-workers.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

i'm a local, I need inspiration, or something

2006-09-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

I sit in corner coffee shop.
This is one of the middle times.
you think about what happened before and what will happen next.
You wonder if you really do have something to say, or if your JUST a milkgiver.
JUST.
The black drop- "Here it is, doppio number three!"
Local artist Vince walks by and tells you that he admires your bike by using hand gestures through window.
Local spinstress Kate orders coffee with boyfriend, local acter, and they look all cute. They hold hands across the table while reading local news.
Remember pre-times?
Local guys talking about taking their local bikes to faraway places.
Local esspresso guru Alec walks in and out writing things down.

Yesterday we marched down this road holding doves and dancing to peace drums. And my heart and head where here (locally and faraway in the middle of the east) with the footsteps of many. I ended the night snapping at a woman who was different than me because I was embarressed and weirded out by her make-up. Will I ever be a peacemaker?

Retirement

2006-09-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

I think I've found our "retirement" home. I least an idea for when the kids are wondering around on their own. I guess they could live there with us- but I'm sure they would be embarrassed of it when they were in highschool. Better if we wait till they're in their 20's+ so then they'll be like "oh our crazy, cool parents who live in a hole- lets go visit them, or stay there when they're traveling around!"
check it:
http://www.galfromdownunder.com/dan-price/

btw...I think exclamation points should be put inside the quotation marks. I'm always told I'm wrong to do that but it just makes more since. The exclamation is part of the statement, the quote, right? (I feel this way about question marks too.).(and periods.)

In other news, because we said we'd never forget:
Report: Hunt For Bin Laden Gone Stone Cold
As the nation marks the anniversary of 9/11, the Washington Post reports the hunt for Osama Bin Laden has gone stone cold. The newspaper says the U.S. government hasn’t received a credible lead on his whereabouts in more than two years. In March 2002, President Bush decided to pull out most of the troops leading the hunt for bin Laden in Afghanistan to prepare for war in Iraq. The Bush administration still has no one official in charge of the overall hunt for bin Laden. Pakistan has reportedly all but stopped looking for him.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/09/11/1344246

lord, have mercy on us

2006-08-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

taken from http://www.leftbehindgames.com/pages/the_games.htm

"Game description

Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling LEFT BEHIND book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!"

Is this not sick?

Thank you dear brother Shane. (and others!)

2006-07-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've labeled myself a Christian my whole life. My Christianity was one of fear. The story of my "faith" went something like this:

So there's God, who is God of all- but only us protestant white folk from the states know just who HE is and what he wants- which is for everyone else to become just like us. So God is this big male character who created us because he needed someone to worship him- but he only wanted perfect people to do this. He went ahead and made us so that we would fail this standard so that he could kill his son to make us feel real bad. Now that this ordeal is all done we have to scurry about telling the whole world that unless you become best friends with this son, his dad will send you to hell- hallelujah. Oh- and I almost forgot, we have a time limit. We have to tell the whole world before the good ones are sucked up into the land of perfect golden freeways with no traffic jams. God will then release all the evilness he had been saving up for the right moment and all those who didn't make his son their best friend will be tortured until they do. And this all has something to do with being republican.

So needless to say I was just about done with all that. The only thing keeping me there was fear. My whole life I kept trying to be best friends with Jesus because my daddy (both) said so. I really wanted to believe the radical things that Jesus said, but I somehow wasn't allowed to believe them. The "words of Christ in red" were constantly watered down through the lens of rich mega churches, and a condemning "cloud of witnesses". I was becoming sick and disillusioned. I didn't want to go to heaven, much less tell others to go there if all it was lonely rich, perfectly landscaped mansions, with as much orgasmic entertainment that we could dream of. And I sure as hell didn't want to worship a cologne smelling republican (I don't want to worship a democrat either, okay!)
Well, they must of known what was going on in my life-
although seriously there is much more important things going on in the world than my issues with theology or whatever, geez-
so to make a long post short, through a series of miracles, including a book that I want you to read (http://www.thesimpleway.org/shane/book.html), I found Jesus. Turns out, he's this crazy ass radical who smells, doesn't wear shoes, doesn't drive, drinks alcohol, and he even likes THOSE PEOPLE from the middle east! I think he might even like white rich people too, in fact he might even love them, more than I do.
A whole new story of the gospel is emerging from the lifeless ashes of the church. A story I'm starting to get new glimpses of, that has really nothing to do with the story I grew up with. This is only a beginning.
I feel something new starting, and I'm not sure what to do with it. (and I'm not alone). And I'm going to end this post abruptly and awkwardly because, the revolution takes time (and blood, sweat, tears), not eloquence.

Before its too late

2006-07-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

I just read this http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=news.display_article&mode=C&NewsID=5485 article. If I knew the slightest thing about html I would hyper-text (?) "this" so you could click on the link. But you go a head and copy and paste the address for now. I will comment on the nature of "A" beast later when I get caught up on diapers.

highway to heaven

2006-06-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

I think the first step to peace is to truly listen.
Which means I'm doomed.

brace for impact.

2006-05-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today I'm okay, really. Rosa has been fussy for a few days and drooling- I think, and hope she is teething early and doesn't have some crazy disease I didn't vaccinate for. But i'm doing good today. But for most of my life, i feel like i haven't done ok. I remember being sad, depressed, angry, and afraid for a long time. For really no reason. After rosa was born I was feeling extra special sadness with the sudden rush of children to my head, and began a series of activities (nothing to note) to distract myself. I realized however, that becoming a raging alcoholic, shop-a-holic, movie-a-holic, etc, would not be a good idea. First, i don't I have money for those sorts of things, and second, that would be bad, especially for a mom. When I made the realization there was nothing I could do- I decided to just except it. I sat down in my beautiful window seat and BRACED FOR IMPACT. And suddenly all the anger, sadness, fear, and depression went away! Only they didn't. They in fact crashed over me in waves- but I felt strangely at peace for the first time in a very long time.

I think i'm still out at sea. But there's something delicious about letting the dark waters take you and surrendering yourself to a dangerous, strange, yet somehow loving god. I sail on.

Lummi Mothers Day

2006-05-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

Today, on mother's day eve, I had a lovely day strolling and shopping alone with my sweet baby girl. First we took the long way to the public market because I couldn't figure out what to do with such freedom on a sunny day. Then we ate pizza and fresh squeezed juice. Then we started shopping for some moms in my life. Upon approaching Railroad Ave, we saw the usual sights and sounds; prostitutes, gang bangers, crack kids, etc. While looking at some sun-dresses outside of mad-hatter, I noticed someone wanting to see my sweet baby girl. It was of course the usual, stereo-typical person on railroad avenue who wants to see your sweet baby girl, a drunk indian woman. My first instinct was to smile and nod my head and move on. But she persisted and because she seemed so young, I lingered. She wanted me to know that if I really wanted her (my sweet baby girl) to love me than I should look into her eyes when I nurse her. "Trust me" she said, "It works". She had fed many babies their bottles on "cradle boards" while looking in their eyes, and they still love her to this day. This was a magical holy moment, I swear, and everything on Railroad froze and became quiet. I realized that here I was receiving real-live native knowledge that I keep wanting to hear and write about in my Fairhaven papers. And she is looking in to my eyes and telling me to look into her (my sweet baby girl) eyes and I am overwhelmed by the heaviness of her old presence. 200 years ago she would have been walking down Railroad Ave. high on life and camas bulbs with her baby- on her "cradle board" looking straight into her eyes. Well, let me tell you- while I live in Bellingham, I'm gonna be looking straight into my sweet baby girl's eyes.
As the day progresses we found ourselves at the Blackdrop- because they were open, because they have the best coffee in town, and because they have couches that you can lay your sweet baby girl on while you read a book on monastic rules and sip doppios over ice. It was there I discovered a poster that had this website www.bsofcomics.com. And I realized my true vocation. I think I would make a good nerd, really I think I have it in me. And they meet twice a week and I could bring my sweet baby girl there and discuss my latest comic strip. Now, I haven't actually wrote a comic, but I'm pretty sure its my destiny- seriously- next time you see me ask me about my comic strip.
We sure screwed over the Lummis...

oh the pain of...

2006-05-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

Its freaking 1:30 in the morning and I'm still here in awake land. Josh is in Seattle probably being homeless for the night or something. I think I'm too afraid to sleep. I'm considering sleeping with the light on but will brave the darkness so as not to be wasteful. These things are important to me. so there. Leigh is in England thinking she came to Europe for the men. I think she'll have a good time once she gets used to things. Emily seems to be enjoying her party house. I'm glad Lin is in the next room, so he can hear me scream in the night. I locked the outside door when I came in tonight because I knew that Josh and Dale would probably not come home and Lin and Lynne were already here. But I felt too weird about locking it since its never locked and thought I would jinx it if i did. Sometimes I feel like my every thought and action is tainted. Is there hope for me? I guess so. If I should die before I wake, I have no idea what you should say at my funeral- does this mean I'm not ready? I haven't finished Harold and Maude yet. Eliot and Rosa are teaching me many things.
I thought my births were profound (and they were) and then I went to my sister's. Here she was, the little girl that cried and melted her hand on a curling iron and scratched the skin off my hand while throwing a fit- jump forward 15 years- I'm crawling on a hospital bed clutching her still scarred hand in mine, telling her its okay to dig into my skin this time, its okay to yell loud at me and the nurses and the man who wasn't there. Its okay to be afraid and in pain. Here she is in the biggest transition moment in her life and not only do I get to share it but I'm apart of it- moaning with her, breathing with her, birthing with her. wow. And we trade off. She knows I've been there and this gives her courage. I will never forget the look on her face- both during the dark moment of the soul and when they placed him bloody and shaking in her arms.

I have a big life. That cool seattle astrologer told the capricorns to be more creative and loving. That about sums it up.

Baby stuff

2005-12-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

Here is the long awaited baby need/want list....
http://joshandjessa.com/baby/

surprise!

2005-12-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

You go girl
Originally uploaded by jessap.

New blog entry!
check out these picks for some holi-day thoughts
http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=action.display_c&item=051214_arrests_testimony

Two Words

2005-05-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

Uterine Rupture

me and the mic

2005-05-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

"The Tao of Abundance"

"Money should not cost you your soul.
Money should not cost you your relationships.
Money should not cost you your dignity.
Money should not cost you your health.
Money should not cost you your intelligence.
Money should not cost you your joy."

Karaoke should not cost you...

BLOG TITLE

2005-05-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

here is where i would say something if i wasn't so frazled/absent minded at present...

Eliot's Birthday Party

2005-03-23T16:20:00.000-08:00

Everyone asks what Eliot wants and I say um um um. And by that I mean well, since you do have more money than I do, I can never buy him a toy, and you're asking what toy he wants right? Well, he likes balls and trucks- since you're asking. But you know what he really wants? He wants a mommie who doesn't flip out all the time, he wants a daddy who doesn't have a million things on his mind, who's not trying to hold down 15 ping pong balls underwater at the same time. He wants people not to pinch his cheeks and pick him up when he's in the middle of something important. He wants people to realize he's a person too and so when he whines he wants you to remember that you whine too, that you throw fits too, that you don't like to be interupted either, that you get over-stimulated by touching and talking too, that you feel uneasy and scared about things too. So if people are going to "Get" something for Eliots Birthday- they should get me a safe amount of wine and pot, a beattles CD, a yoga membership, babysitting time (so she can go for a walk, take a bath, have sex...), a back rub, a nice talk, a smile, a hug, a prayer. They should get Josh a break from being the subdued daddy, they should act like they actually want to be here, they should get him babysitting time (so he can go for a walk, go be a guy, have sex...,) a smile, a hug, a prayer, and especially some tech talk cuz I have no idea what he's talking about but he really likes tech talk. What things really benefit little boys? Plastic? The latest Icon from a disney movie? Fancy gap clothes with footballs on them? Batteries? Maybe he needs things like food and shelter and love. Maybe he doesn't need THINGS. FUCK TOYS

FYI~
I'm really not biching, this is supposed to be a lively and humerous commentary on Birthday's, my habits, little boys, and our consumer culture driven by blood thirsty, deceitful, rich pricks (aka Corporations) I'm actually having a lovely day :)

and i'm not going to spell check this

Glacier

2005-03-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

The Glacier
Cuts
Tall mountains
Low valleys
Always taking
As it glides

Taking
Cutting

But the Glacier will melt.

And we will stand together
All holding hands in the wake
Of the river flowing
From the breaking

All that it took will settle
All that it cut will heal

And growth will continue
As the sun shines
On a new serene lake
...

Julius Caesar

2005-03-15T15:03:00.000-08:00

Friction
This is repetitive
This month and history
We all check our dairies
The earth thaws beneath us
Memories awaken before we
Remember that flowers will break through
Soon.

?

2005-03-11T03:09:00.000-08:00

What is there left to do but love? What else can I do but fully trust in God? I am left with no choice but to return sadness with Joy, to return bitterness with healing, to return war with peace, to return pain with forgiveness, to turn the other cheek.

Today, I was surprised by Joy. As in, yesterday was a bad day and I did the whole crying and praying thing which usually doesn't work for me but I've put myself on this crazy spiritual journey thing and so it must of done something. I woke up today to a beautiful day full of hope and hope and love. I did kind of dip down again towards night but I gave some thought to ups and downs in one's journey. I thought, sure I'm high right now but what does it profit if I know for sure I'll dip down again. And then I realized that that was a wonderful and vital question. Like there should probably be some sort of study on it. So I am studying that. I still feel pretty hopeful right now- even though I might have reason to not be. What happens when I don't feel it? When I'm low and I reflect on my high times how will I be affected? Will I come to a deeper understanding of faith and a "peace that passes understanding".

There are many things that claim to be true but are not true. Knowing truth is NOT in our nature. (right? hmm..) But the absolute truth if and when found is mystical. We are square and it is a spiral. God is omnipresent especially when you don't think he is.

I erased some choice blogs from my bookmarks. Which may have triggered being surprised by joy today. I don't want to be focussed on unhealthy communication. I feel like sometimes blogging was becoming to me what afternoon soap-operas become to others. My dear family, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–dwell on these things ...". Life is too important and short.

I have realized the importance and urgency of being vulnerable and transparent. yikes. (i'm not sure where to put this statement in my stream of thoughts right now)

What the fuck am I doing? Its almost four am (although I was asleep before this at some point but everything feels like a time warp) and I have to get up early to go get handmade organic whole wheat sugar covered doughnuts from my friends at their stand in the morning. I have entered the wonderful world of bartering and there is no turning back baby. And then I will be digging in the garden- hopefully its sunny...please stop by.

When Paul was Saul he persecuted Christians. When he was Paul he was a persecuted Christian. He was at peace with this- he didn't fight it. I know exactly what people say and think about me because I used to say and think it too. Lord, help me be at peace with this crazy karma.

Be Here Now con't

2005-03-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

"Being means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn’t force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Be Here Now

2005-03-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

In His presence!

"There are many people who are sincere without being simple: they are ever afraid of being seen for what they are not; they are always musing over their words and thoughts and thinking about what they have done, in fear of having done or said too much. These people are sincere, but they are not simple: they are not at ease with others, and other people are not at ease with them. There is nothing easy about them, nothing free, spontaneous or natural. People who are imperfect, less regular, less masters of themselves, are more lovable. This is how people find them, and it is the same with God."
-François Fénelon

I think this quote spoke to me so much because I have been realizing my need to rest in HIm and be in Him. Sometimes I think I think too much. Sometimes I just need to "be still and know"...

.

2005-02-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

What kind of neighbor/friend am I? I never came the whole time. And this is something I know how to do, it would have been appropriate. You have treated me with kindness and gave me your friendship and I let you slip away.... to death.... without anything from me. Lovely.

#4

2005-02-11T08:44:00.000-08:00

The fourth meditation:
Consider the world is a place where people steal things from others that they believe are valuable but which eventually harm them instead. They are like moths attracted to a light who dive into the flame.